Christmas is over, I'm back home, and it's time to focus on interviews and the excitement of 2011. First, I'm stopping to reflect on the year that is ending, one that will leave a lot of mixed emotions.
The first thing I did in 2010 was go to California. It had originally been expected when I made the plans that Eddie would finally be well, and it would be a fun-filled vacation. Unfortunately he became ill right before Christmas, and I spent a lot of that trip visiting him in the hospital, dressed in a yellow gown and gloves, talking about his iPhone and watching tv. I will forever cherish that time with him, because they are my last memories.
I've been sitting here for awhile trying to decide what to write about Eddie. So many things have already been said, yet sometimes it never feels like I can say enough. Eddie was such a source of strength, laughter, and optimism, and losing him was and will be what we all remember about this past year. I hope that I have half of his spirit and keep it with me no matter what I face in life.
The other defining moment in 2010 was my trip to Mexico, a year delayed because of H1N1. I met amazing people and saw amazing places. More importantly, I rediscovered a lot of strength and passion in myself. I've always been interested in travel and culture, but work and life had put it aside. I've now refocused on my international interests, and am trying more actively to maintain my Spanish. More importantly, I had many reminders of how strong and independent I am, and left feeling that I can accomplish even more than I may have realized.
Of course, the theme throughout the year was illness. Migraines affected my life from January to March, and again June to August, and sinus problems started in October and led to surgery in December. The pain is difficult, of course, but the worse part is when you don't know how to solve the problem. It's frustrating when you can't function properly and don't know why, and don't know if and when you'll improve. There were so many things I wasn't able to do well enough because of my illnesses, and as someone who has a lot of pride in their work that was probably just as hard as the illnesses themselves. I am hopeful that these have passed and that I will be healthy this next year.
My year ended with a big focus on the internship application process. I learned a lot about myself and my goals. I am really passionate about helping schools, and the more I read about internship sites and wrote my essays, the more I realized the schools are where I really need to be. I have become a defender of public education, interested in making sure schools reach all children and make decisions that focus on students, not money. I love working with children, but I'm a big picture person, and I think I can make a difference. Through the process I learned that I have a lot of confidence in myself, and others believe in me. I had a lot of support, and I did well in my interview invitations.
Of course, life is not all about school. I have had great times with great friends. Many have left, as happens every year, but new friends have come too. New Orleans, Grad Camp, football games, 4th of July, Aggie Barn, game nights... lots of good times. I am thankful for everyone in my life this year. Of course, I am also so thankful for my family and the time we had together this year, which was particularly important and special this year.
So that's 2010. 2011 will be a major transition year for me, and I'm anxious and excited about it. May everyone have the 2011 they dream of!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and a Blog in a Pear Tree
I've been with my parents nearly a week. I'm 11 days post-op. Christmas has come and gone. It seems to be time to write again.
Christmas was, as always, a quiet, lovely day. It was just the three of us, four if you count the dog. We exchanged gifts, the usual mix of fun and practical, though given my upcoming transition mine were mostly practical (which is exactly what I wanted). We ate well, watched movies, and just had a very nice day. Christmas at my house is very simple, and we're perfectly happy with that.
My health is nearly where I want it. There are a few minor pains and headaches that I'm assuming will keep fading. I'm mostly well though, and I'm cautiously optimistic that my health is finally on the right track. I am so excited to head into the next year with full energy and focus. It was nearly a year ago that my migraines started, and I spent so much of 2010 in pain or weak that I know I wasn't able to accomplish many of my goals or live up to my full potential; more importantly, many days I just didn't have my spark, and I missed it. I am nervous that something else will happen, since of course I never saw this coming. I am trying to ignore that, though, and return to Aggieland Wednesday with a vengeance. I am back, better than ever, and ready to conquer :)
I'll be here one more day, and then head back to a week of working, New Year-ing, and interview-preparing. I am just over a week from my travels, and there is a lot to do, but I couldn't be more excited. 2011 will be a year of change, and I'm ready for it.
Christmas was, as always, a quiet, lovely day. It was just the three of us, four if you count the dog. We exchanged gifts, the usual mix of fun and practical, though given my upcoming transition mine were mostly practical (which is exactly what I wanted). We ate well, watched movies, and just had a very nice day. Christmas at my house is very simple, and we're perfectly happy with that.
My health is nearly where I want it. There are a few minor pains and headaches that I'm assuming will keep fading. I'm mostly well though, and I'm cautiously optimistic that my health is finally on the right track. I am so excited to head into the next year with full energy and focus. It was nearly a year ago that my migraines started, and I spent so much of 2010 in pain or weak that I know I wasn't able to accomplish many of my goals or live up to my full potential; more importantly, many days I just didn't have my spark, and I missed it. I am nervous that something else will happen, since of course I never saw this coming. I am trying to ignore that, though, and return to Aggieland Wednesday with a vengeance. I am back, better than ever, and ready to conquer :)
I'll be here one more day, and then head back to a week of working, New Year-ing, and interview-preparing. I am just over a week from my travels, and there is a lot to do, but I couldn't be more excited. 2011 will be a year of change, and I'm ready for it.
Friday, December 24, 2010
On this Christmas Eve
On this Christmas Eve, my mind is on health, and life, and love.
I am eight days post-op, and mostly back to normal. Two days ago I had my follow-up with my doctor, regained my breathing, smelling, and tasting, and came home for Christmas. Yesterday I went to Sea World and spent my first full day out in the world in quite a long time that I felt mostly healthy and happy. Over the last year I have had so many days when I was sick or in pain, and I am so hopeful that next year brings good health so I can reach my goals and enjoy life to the fullest. There are many wonderful things to look forward to.
Just as I was settling into this feeling of healthiness, I was awoken this morning by the news that my dog could not walk. I rushed out of bed, called her to me, and sure enough she could barely come to my room before she collapsed. Fortunately, as we suspected, it was related to the gastrointestinal issues that had started appearing in the last couple days, and as her pain subsided she began to walk and show her usual spark. I am lucky and relieved that such a scary symptom was such a simple illness. Seeing her unable to move was frightening, and I am even more thankful for the good health of those I love.
Finally, on this night, I am sad for the one person who meant so much who is not here this Christmas. I know we are all missing Eddie this year, and will every year.
So this Christmas may you be happy and healthy. May you be surrounded by the ones you love, so that you may give love and receive it just the same. May you carry in your heart those who are gone, so that they are with you still. May you feel the spirit of Christmas.
I am eight days post-op, and mostly back to normal. Two days ago I had my follow-up with my doctor, regained my breathing, smelling, and tasting, and came home for Christmas. Yesterday I went to Sea World and spent my first full day out in the world in quite a long time that I felt mostly healthy and happy. Over the last year I have had so many days when I was sick or in pain, and I am so hopeful that next year brings good health so I can reach my goals and enjoy life to the fullest. There are many wonderful things to look forward to.
Just as I was settling into this feeling of healthiness, I was awoken this morning by the news that my dog could not walk. I rushed out of bed, called her to me, and sure enough she could barely come to my room before she collapsed. Fortunately, as we suspected, it was related to the gastrointestinal issues that had started appearing in the last couple days, and as her pain subsided she began to walk and show her usual spark. I am lucky and relieved that such a scary symptom was such a simple illness. Seeing her unable to move was frightening, and I am even more thankful for the good health of those I love.
Finally, on this night, I am sad for the one person who meant so much who is not here this Christmas. I know we are all missing Eddie this year, and will every year.
So this Christmas may you be happy and healthy. May you be surrounded by the ones you love, so that you may give love and receive it just the same. May you carry in your heart those who are gone, so that they are with you still. May you feel the spirit of Christmas.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A Matter of Taste
Recovery has been mostly what I expected. Pain the first day or two, but now down to a minimum. Lots of sleeping and exhaustion, slowly improving. There is only one aspect of recovery that I didn't have the foresight to anticipate, and frankly it's bothering me more that I would have expected. I have no sense of taste.
Medically, it makes sense. There are things in place to keep my nose stable, free from infection, and whatnot. They severely limit my breathing. Therefore I can barely smell. No sense of smell=no sense of taste. I learned this is elementary school science once, I'm sure. It just wasn't my focus.
I came home after surgery, and my friend had brought me dinner. I ate the soup and tiredly talked to my friends. The next morning I also ate some crackers, and then a little later some Chef Boyardee. I even ate a brownie when my friend brought some for me. It wasn't until early afternoon, when I opened up a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that it hit me. I couldn't taste it. Not a bit. No chocolate, brownie, or fudge. It could have been vanilla for all I knew. I thought back... and I really didn't know if I had tasted my other food or not. I had been tired and in pain and just going through the motions, and I can't remember the flavors of the food I ate over that time.
So, I'm now on day 4 of having no sense of taste, and I've learned how important this sense is to humankind. Eating has lost all of its pleasure and is done purely out of necessity. When I am home, choosing food is purely about what will fill me up easiest and takes little effort. I'm definitely eating healthier, because why eat junk food when I can't get its one main benefit, its sugary and/or fatty yumminess? When I went out to lunch with friends yesterday, to a sub sandwich place, I eliminated mayonnaise and added more veggies. I was tempted to add things I never eat, like peppers and pickles, or make a strange combination, like fluffernutter with olives. I decided I wasn't quite ready, just in case I was overestimating my non-tasting powers.
While I am eating healthier, I miss the joys of eating. I have had some brief fun discovering food texture, but I never realized how much I love tasting my food. I keep thinking about pizza, cinnamon rolls, and that pint of ice cream. I want to sit with my food and savor every subtle flavor.
To wrap this up, an ode to my taste buds.
When the doctor repaired my poor face
I lost all of my sense of taste
My food is all bland
I just cannot stand
To let all this food go to waste!
My ice cream could be any kind
My cereals are undefined
My soda's like water
I think that I otter
Get healed before I lose my mind!
Medically, it makes sense. There are things in place to keep my nose stable, free from infection, and whatnot. They severely limit my breathing. Therefore I can barely smell. No sense of smell=no sense of taste. I learned this is elementary school science once, I'm sure. It just wasn't my focus.
I came home after surgery, and my friend had brought me dinner. I ate the soup and tiredly talked to my friends. The next morning I also ate some crackers, and then a little later some Chef Boyardee. I even ate a brownie when my friend brought some for me. It wasn't until early afternoon, when I opened up a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that it hit me. I couldn't taste it. Not a bit. No chocolate, brownie, or fudge. It could have been vanilla for all I knew. I thought back... and I really didn't know if I had tasted my other food or not. I had been tired and in pain and just going through the motions, and I can't remember the flavors of the food I ate over that time.
So, I'm now on day 4 of having no sense of taste, and I've learned how important this sense is to humankind. Eating has lost all of its pleasure and is done purely out of necessity. When I am home, choosing food is purely about what will fill me up easiest and takes little effort. I'm definitely eating healthier, because why eat junk food when I can't get its one main benefit, its sugary and/or fatty yumminess? When I went out to lunch with friends yesterday, to a sub sandwich place, I eliminated mayonnaise and added more veggies. I was tempted to add things I never eat, like peppers and pickles, or make a strange combination, like fluffernutter with olives. I decided I wasn't quite ready, just in case I was overestimating my non-tasting powers.
While I am eating healthier, I miss the joys of eating. I have had some brief fun discovering food texture, but I never realized how much I love tasting my food. I keep thinking about pizza, cinnamon rolls, and that pint of ice cream. I want to sit with my food and savor every subtle flavor.
To wrap this up, an ode to my taste buds.
When the doctor repaired my poor face
I lost all of my sense of taste
My food is all bland
I just cannot stand
To let all this food go to waste!
My ice cream could be any kind
My cereals are undefined
My soda's like water
I think that I otter
Get healed before I lose my mind!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Anticipation accomplished (for December)
There were two big dates on my calendar that have finally passed. One has been marked for months. One came up rather unexpectedly. I am glad they are both behind me.
The one I've been talking about for months is December 15th- the last day in which I would find out about internship interviews. This technically wasn't true, since my final site emailed me at 2:13am on the 16th, but that's another story. In the end, out of 11 site I received interviews from 9. Of the 2 that didn't come through, one was a risk I was taking that didn't work out, and the other was a total surprise that I can't explain. I am very happy with my 9, so it's okay. Four are in Texas, and five are out of state, in Illinois, Virginia, Louisiana, Florida, and Nebraska. Because of scheduling I had to ask Florida for a phone interview, but the others I will be going to in-person in January. I'm not at all nervous, at least not yet, because I'm still excited that I'm at this step. I get to see sites, meet the people I could be working with, and figure out where I want to be. Of course, I have to hope that I make the right impression so that the sites I love also love me, so that I get a great internship next year. I've made my travel plans, so now I get to sit back, review possible interview questions, and anticipate the journey.
The other date on my calendar popped up a little less expectedly- on December 16 I had surgery. I started having pain in my right sinus cavity, which evolved into pain around my right eye, which became headaches. After failed medical options and a CT, I went in to have infection cleared out and a deviated septum repaired. I'm happy to say that recovery has been about what I hoped. I'm barely in any pain, and am mostly just tired and feel like I have a cold. Because of everything in my nose to keep it stable and protected, I have no sense of smell, meaning no sense of taste, which is frustrating. I'm about ready to leave the house for the first time today, though, and can't wait until my follow-up on Wednesday and the drive home for Christmas.
So that's the update. More of those deep thoughts I promised as I keep getting healthy :)
The one I've been talking about for months is December 15th- the last day in which I would find out about internship interviews. This technically wasn't true, since my final site emailed me at 2:13am on the 16th, but that's another story. In the end, out of 11 site I received interviews from 9. Of the 2 that didn't come through, one was a risk I was taking that didn't work out, and the other was a total surprise that I can't explain. I am very happy with my 9, so it's okay. Four are in Texas, and five are out of state, in Illinois, Virginia, Louisiana, Florida, and Nebraska. Because of scheduling I had to ask Florida for a phone interview, but the others I will be going to in-person in January. I'm not at all nervous, at least not yet, because I'm still excited that I'm at this step. I get to see sites, meet the people I could be working with, and figure out where I want to be. Of course, I have to hope that I make the right impression so that the sites I love also love me, so that I get a great internship next year. I've made my travel plans, so now I get to sit back, review possible interview questions, and anticipate the journey.
The other date on my calendar popped up a little less expectedly- on December 16 I had surgery. I started having pain in my right sinus cavity, which evolved into pain around my right eye, which became headaches. After failed medical options and a CT, I went in to have infection cleared out and a deviated septum repaired. I'm happy to say that recovery has been about what I hoped. I'm barely in any pain, and am mostly just tired and feel like I have a cold. Because of everything in my nose to keep it stable and protected, I have no sense of smell, meaning no sense of taste, which is frustrating. I'm about ready to leave the house for the first time today, though, and can't wait until my follow-up on Wednesday and the drive home for Christmas.
So that's the update. More of those deep thoughts I promised as I keep getting healthy :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
A December Update
So a month ago I said I'd make the effort to write more often. Yeah, well I fell apart again. This time I have no good excuse except my lack of attention span. I actually have most of part 2 of my multi-part series about what I learned from the internship application process saved, I just never concluded and posted it. Maybe I'll add to it after interviews.
So, a lot has happened since I last posted, yet not much. On the academic front, I have been awaiting internship interviews. Slowly the invitations are coming in, and by Wednesday I'll have heard from all 11 sites. So far I am very pleased with the outcome, and am anxious to get the rest of my news so I can make travel arrangements and plan out my January. I'm excited to visit sites, get to know the prospective supervisors, and compare my current impressions with the feeling I get in person. I am ready to move forward and see where my life is going. On the dissertation front, I hit a data setback and am finding time to do calculations that I thought were complete. I'll still meet my goals, I'm sure, I'll just have to work a little harder. The semester is otherwise mostly over. My classes are complete, and I am just writing reports on two children who I tested. I stopped my practicum at the high school, and ended up picking up some work doing bilingual assessment. It's been great experience, much needed but definitely learning on the job. Outside of school, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family that I don't get to see nearly enough, and I have had great time with great friends.
Unfortunately, as is the story of the last year, my physical health has created an obstacle. This time it's not migraines, but sinus problems. I'm glad I caught it early- I started feeling pain in my right cheekbone, and I remembered that my MRI in August had indicated a cyst in my sinus cavity. A month or so later, and I'm having surgery Thursday to not only fix my sinuses (which are apparently infected and not responding to antibiotics), but to repair a deviated septum. I am in a lot of pain, ranging from directly in my sinus (the "punched in the cheek feeling") to the area from my sinus and up above my eye (the "black eye feeling") and then spreading out further (the "I fell onto concrete feeling"). I am also very tired and have suddenly started desiring naps after strenuous activity. So I am just trying to hold on until Thursday, when I have been assured I will be repaired to my normal, perky, positive self. After a quick recovery I will go home for Christmas, then return home to prepare for the interview travels.
That was probably a very boring blog, especially to those who already know what I'm up to. But because of my current lethargy and upcoming time of recovery I feel that it will be a good time to catch up on blogging and write about the little things that are floating around. In order to get those out, I had to lay the foundation. So here it is. I hope I don't disappoint you and vanish for another month...
So, a lot has happened since I last posted, yet not much. On the academic front, I have been awaiting internship interviews. Slowly the invitations are coming in, and by Wednesday I'll have heard from all 11 sites. So far I am very pleased with the outcome, and am anxious to get the rest of my news so I can make travel arrangements and plan out my January. I'm excited to visit sites, get to know the prospective supervisors, and compare my current impressions with the feeling I get in person. I am ready to move forward and see where my life is going. On the dissertation front, I hit a data setback and am finding time to do calculations that I thought were complete. I'll still meet my goals, I'm sure, I'll just have to work a little harder. The semester is otherwise mostly over. My classes are complete, and I am just writing reports on two children who I tested. I stopped my practicum at the high school, and ended up picking up some work doing bilingual assessment. It's been great experience, much needed but definitely learning on the job. Outside of school, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family that I don't get to see nearly enough, and I have had great time with great friends.
Unfortunately, as is the story of the last year, my physical health has created an obstacle. This time it's not migraines, but sinus problems. I'm glad I caught it early- I started feeling pain in my right cheekbone, and I remembered that my MRI in August had indicated a cyst in my sinus cavity. A month or so later, and I'm having surgery Thursday to not only fix my sinuses (which are apparently infected and not responding to antibiotics), but to repair a deviated septum. I am in a lot of pain, ranging from directly in my sinus (the "punched in the cheek feeling") to the area from my sinus and up above my eye (the "black eye feeling") and then spreading out further (the "I fell onto concrete feeling"). I am also very tired and have suddenly started desiring naps after strenuous activity. So I am just trying to hold on until Thursday, when I have been assured I will be repaired to my normal, perky, positive self. After a quick recovery I will go home for Christmas, then return home to prepare for the interview travels.
That was probably a very boring blog, especially to those who already know what I'm up to. But because of my current lethargy and upcoming time of recovery I feel that it will be a good time to catch up on blogging and write about the little things that are floating around. In order to get those out, I had to lay the foundation. So here it is. I hope I don't disappoint you and vanish for another month...
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