Growing up, finding my path, and moving forward

Something happened this summer.  I think a lot of it corresponded with my 35th birthday.  Maybe it was also related to the completion of licensure tests and, in a way, the real end of student life.  I think it's some combination- I'm leaving young adulthood, but my life over the last six years while helping me grow tremendously, also allowed me to hold my life back.  At any rate... I'm ready to grow up.

Now, I'm not totally sure what acting 35 means to you.  Looking around me, it seems to indicate I should have a husband and children.  Of course, in this age all of these things can happen in due time, but just in case I am starting to wonder about my plan B.  I don't know what it is yet, but I think about it a lot.

I'm trying to be a more responsible person.  I'm cleaning more (really, Mom, I am), trying to keep up more with bills and budgets (I hate hate hate budgets), and in general trying to be more self-disciplined.  When you are a student, you adjust life around your oft-changing schedule, which means nothing really becomes routine.  I really don't like routines, but if doing laundry every Sunday evening will ensure I have nice pants to wear to work on Monday I suppose it's worth it.  Next obstacle to tackle on the self-discipline list (and biggest)- exercise and eating habits.

I'm making sure I am comfortable in my own skin.  I've always been unassertive, willing to let others get away with things if it avoids conflict.  I can be easily intimidated, and avoid little things because they make me anxious.  Some of you are thinking "But you got a Ph.D.!  You should feel awesome about yourself!" but I really feel the same as I always have, just with a few letters after my name.  I'm making an assertive effort, particularly at work, to speak up more, to trust my instincts and my abilities.  I should make a daily affirmation, something about being good enough, smart enough, and people liking me.  I'm making progress, anyway.

If you were around the blog last summer, I made a list of things I wanted to start doing after I graduated, and I've fallen short on most of it.  I can blame studying, adjusting to work, whatever, but I'm rebooting the list.  I can't join church choir at the moment, but I can keep reading, writing, taking pictures, and hiking with my dog.  I'm trying to save up for trips that I have been wanting to take for years.  I'd like to make more friends here, some group in between young-single-and-going-to-bars and cute-couples-with-cute-kids.  I think I fit somewhere, wherever it is.  At the same time, if I want something I am no longer afraid to do it alone.

It should be an interesting year.  I'm excited to see what happens.

P.S. If you are hoping I will blog about my event Wednesday, well, I might, but I might also just refer you to  the post I made when I did this four years ago.

It's time

I haven't made a complete blog post since last summer.  I have two half-completed posts sitting on the server, one about graduation and one about why I haven't been posting.  There are reasons why I didn't write- ups and downs of life, maybe some post-grad exhaustion (combined with studying for licensure), a hesitance to make some things public.  Whatever the reasons, I'm ready to have a public voice again.  I have a lot on my mind these days- the struggles of working in urban schools, my self-reflection as I become old(er), and my usual random thoughts.  So, as part of other things I am trying to do more of (exercise, cleaning, reading, etc) I'm going to try to make positing a weekly routine, like it was two years ago.  I'm looking forward to rediscovering my writing.

And, to end, there must be a photo.So here's my mom and my precious cousin Grey on a carousel at the zoo, as I watch them from a horse.  We had such a great weekend and I can never get enough time with my family. :)