So I've been enjoying this blogging thing quite a bit. I've been keeping a weekly schedule (I know, I didn't publish the weekend, but I have a great topic that I am still processing and will have out soon). I've also been looking for other ways to deal with stress, and process my daily life. Well, as I was reminded the last couple days by some Facebook friends, there might be one.
Tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month. It's a writing challenge- 30 days in November, 50,000 words written of a novel. That's 1,667 words a day, or maybe 3 pages single spaced. It's a decent undertaking, and one that I don't want to start tomorrow and by Sunday already have quit. It would fun, though, to write creatively and not just about my life. At the same time, I could incorporate aspects of my students and their lives and write a novel that could encompass their point of view. I don't know what my plot would be yet, only that I want to give a voice to the children I am working with and find a way to empower them. I'm open to ideas from my creative friends on how to accomplish this.
I still have 5 1/2 hours before NaNoWriMo starts to commit to the task. I'm kind of excited, though, after writing this. I just hope I know what I'm getting myself into!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Week 12- Oof.
Work is finally going at full speed. Teachers are realizing that certain students are standing out as needed extra support, and referrals for my services are coming in. This was easily my busiest week of the year, and after talking to my coworkers it is clear this is just the beginning. I'm not complaining at all, because this is what I asked for. It's just a huge adjustment.
I'm trying to keep myself calm and focused with the new demands. I'm exhausted at night, but sometimes my brain doesn't settle down as easily because it's still on work. Mental health is a demanding field- you are always thinking about a child who had a bad day, a new case you want to learn more about, a situation you are trying to get a handle on. This is the time to get into healthy routines. I talked to a coworker about her meditation practices. I might actually try reading more often (I know, I know). I'm considering exercising more. I admit, the visit to the German bakery was nice, but probably shouldn't become routine- same for the gathering last night (the time with friends was wonderful, but that was a lot of wine...). So I'm exploring and figuring out what is the best fit for my lifestyle and personality. I just want to make sure I don't burn myself out and continue to love my job.
And now for some lunch, time with the dog, and Aggie football. At least two of those will help my stress level :)
I'm trying to keep myself calm and focused with the new demands. I'm exhausted at night, but sometimes my brain doesn't settle down as easily because it's still on work. Mental health is a demanding field- you are always thinking about a child who had a bad day, a new case you want to learn more about, a situation you are trying to get a handle on. This is the time to get into healthy routines. I talked to a coworker about her meditation practices. I might actually try reading more often (I know, I know). I'm considering exercising more. I admit, the visit to the German bakery was nice, but probably shouldn't become routine- same for the gathering last night (the time with friends was wonderful, but that was a lot of wine...). So I'm exploring and figuring out what is the best fit for my lifestyle and personality. I just want to make sure I don't burn myself out and continue to love my job.
And now for some lunch, time with the dog, and Aggie football. At least two of those will help my stress level :)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Week 11- The Savior Complex
I've always felt that my work is important. Whether in my first career as a teacher or now as a school psychologist, I've always been incredibly passionate about helping children and making their lives better. Recently, though, I've noticed that in some cases my passion has developed a sense of urgency, if you will. I'm sure that psychology has already examined what I have been going through, but for now I will call it the Savior Complex.
I am working in what most would describe as an inner-city environment. There is high poverty and the problems associated with it. My children know about gangs and drugs. For some, their parents are in prison, for others, their parents have been deported. It is not a world I have ever known before, but am trying to understand.
Many children are referred to me at critical times in their lives. They may have faced a recent transition or loss and are unsure how to cope. They may be showing early signs of dropping out of school. They may be showing signs of mental health issues such as depression. In this environment, it is likely the families of these children have few resources to help- they can't afford counseling (or can't provide transportation to free counseling), or the family may be disjointed and unable to properly support the child the way he or she needs them to.
So my Savior Complex comes in when I get these referrals and realize I am the only option to help these children. Without my intervention, they will get no treatment for their depression; have no consistent person to talk to about their parent's incarceration; have no one to fight for them to stay in school. Sometimes, this is a healthy complex to have. It drives me to do my job the best I can, because if I don't follow through on something it's possible no one else will. I don't ever want to let my kids down.
What I am realizing, though, is the negative side of this attitude. Parents have to give permission for their children to work with me. I have now faced multiple situations where the parents have declined my services. In each situation I have become angry and upset at my lack of power to "save" the child. Why would a parent possibly turn down the chance for a professional to work with their child free of charge when they are clearly struggling? The reasons have been similar, and related to the culture I am working with- they don't want the school and/or a stranger in their family business. While part of me knows I have to respect this, the rest of me, the professional and savior, becomes furious. You know your child is having problems coping with their situation. You have admitted it to the counselor/teacher/etc. Yet you are turning down free help? Do you understand how much worse things will get if I don't get to work with your child??????
I am becoming calmer and reminding myself I am not the end-all cure to every child. The ones who are not receiving my services are not necessarily doomed because I did not intervene. I am not the only caring adult that will ever have a chance to work with them. Along the way there will be teachers, counselors, and members of the community who will get to know them and provide support and mentoring. Their families will do their best to address their needs- I believe that the decline of services was not about what I had to offer and more about their approach to coping with problems. As I gain experience in my profession, I will gain more peace about the fact that I cannot save every child that I meet. It's hard to let go, but I have to. There are many more children who need me.
At the same time, as I do gain students to work with, I must keep realistic expectations about how much change I can enact in their lives. As I get to know them, it usually becomes clear where I can make change and what is out of my control. I am an idealist by nature (anyone who knows me can attest to that), but the reality of the situations my students are in can't be ignored. Still, the work I have been able to do so far gives me hope. I am learning I can't be a savior, but I can be a positive force for children in need.
I am working in what most would describe as an inner-city environment. There is high poverty and the problems associated with it. My children know about gangs and drugs. For some, their parents are in prison, for others, their parents have been deported. It is not a world I have ever known before, but am trying to understand.
Many children are referred to me at critical times in their lives. They may have faced a recent transition or loss and are unsure how to cope. They may be showing early signs of dropping out of school. They may be showing signs of mental health issues such as depression. In this environment, it is likely the families of these children have few resources to help- they can't afford counseling (or can't provide transportation to free counseling), or the family may be disjointed and unable to properly support the child the way he or she needs them to.
So my Savior Complex comes in when I get these referrals and realize I am the only option to help these children. Without my intervention, they will get no treatment for their depression; have no consistent person to talk to about their parent's incarceration; have no one to fight for them to stay in school. Sometimes, this is a healthy complex to have. It drives me to do my job the best I can, because if I don't follow through on something it's possible no one else will. I don't ever want to let my kids down.
What I am realizing, though, is the negative side of this attitude. Parents have to give permission for their children to work with me. I have now faced multiple situations where the parents have declined my services. In each situation I have become angry and upset at my lack of power to "save" the child. Why would a parent possibly turn down the chance for a professional to work with their child free of charge when they are clearly struggling? The reasons have been similar, and related to the culture I am working with- they don't want the school and/or a stranger in their family business. While part of me knows I have to respect this, the rest of me, the professional and savior, becomes furious. You know your child is having problems coping with their situation. You have admitted it to the counselor/teacher/etc. Yet you are turning down free help? Do you understand how much worse things will get if I don't get to work with your child??????
I am becoming calmer and reminding myself I am not the end-all cure to every child. The ones who are not receiving my services are not necessarily doomed because I did not intervene. I am not the only caring adult that will ever have a chance to work with them. Along the way there will be teachers, counselors, and members of the community who will get to know them and provide support and mentoring. Their families will do their best to address their needs- I believe that the decline of services was not about what I had to offer and more about their approach to coping with problems. As I gain experience in my profession, I will gain more peace about the fact that I cannot save every child that I meet. It's hard to let go, but I have to. There are many more children who need me.
At the same time, as I do gain students to work with, I must keep realistic expectations about how much change I can enact in their lives. As I get to know them, it usually becomes clear where I can make change and what is out of my control. I am an idealist by nature (anyone who knows me can attest to that), but the reality of the situations my students are in can't be ignored. Still, the work I have been able to do so far gives me hope. I am learning I can't be a savior, but I can be a positive force for children in need.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Weeks 9 and 10- Goodbyes and Hellos
It's hard to know how to write about what happened since my last post. So I will do what I can.
On Thursday, September 29, my aunt Debbie lost her battle with cancer. It was a very long and hard fight, and she never gave up. This is the last time I saw her, when she came to Texas in April to visit both my parents and me as well as my aunt Donna, cousin Danielle, and their families. It was a great day.
The next day I went to Oklahoma City to meet my cousin's baby. Unlike my dad's site where there are many aunts, uncles, and cousins, on my mom's side we are much smaller- Crystal and I are the only children to come from our parents (and their siblings), so this is the first baby to be born in, well, 30 something years. It was a joyous weekend as we joined with her husband Dave's family to celebrate the baptism and birth of little Grey Harper Valentine, who is nearly three months old. It was not only a wonderful weekend, but a chance for my mom and I to rest and heal from our loss. Below is precious Grey:
I returned home refreshed and in a better place. I went to the fair after work the next day, and experience that requires its own blog post (maybe after my second visit next week), then ended the week getting sick. It's time to focus on work again, I suppose. But I'm so glad I focused on family. There is something special about family, whether you are supporting each other in a time of grief and loss or marveling at the smile of a baby. I love you all :)
On Thursday, September 29, my aunt Debbie lost her battle with cancer. It was a very long and hard fight, and she never gave up. This is the last time I saw her, when she came to Texas in April to visit both my parents and me as well as my aunt Donna, cousin Danielle, and their families. It was a great day.
(l-r: cousins Justin and Danielle, Debbie, Dad, me, and uncle Steve)
The next day I went to Oklahoma City to meet my cousin's baby. Unlike my dad's site where there are many aunts, uncles, and cousins, on my mom's side we are much smaller- Crystal and I are the only children to come from our parents (and their siblings), so this is the first baby to be born in, well, 30 something years. It was a joyous weekend as we joined with her husband Dave's family to celebrate the baptism and birth of little Grey Harper Valentine, who is nearly three months old. It was not only a wonderful weekend, but a chance for my mom and I to rest and heal from our loss. Below is precious Grey:
And our family: Dave and Mom on top, Me, Crystal, and Grandma seated, and Grey in the middle :)
I returned home refreshed and in a better place. I went to the fair after work the next day, and experience that requires its own blog post (maybe after my second visit next week), then ended the week getting sick. It's time to focus on work again, I suppose. But I'm so glad I focused on family. There is something special about family, whether you are supporting each other in a time of grief and loss or marveling at the smile of a baby. I love you all :)
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