Ready or not...

Yesterday I woke up and suddenly felt what can only be described as a biological instinct. It makes sense, I suppose. I've done it this time of year every year since 1983, except 2000. Yes, it was time to go shopping for school supplies. I realized, though, that this year I didn't have to. I am only taking one actual class, plus a seminar about how to apply for internship and my weekly practicum at the high school. So I am sure I have enough pencils, pens, folders, and pads of paper to handle that. I don't use backpacks anymore, just tote bags or messenger bags or whatever else fits my needs on a given day. I don't even need new school clothes, since I only have to look presentable one day a week, and I built up my professional wardrobe last year. Despite all of that I desperately needed to go shopping. Over the course of my life, since the age of five, I have now spent 21 years in school as a student, plus six years as a teacher (which is a much more expensive type of back-to-school shopping, as it involves buying decorations and supplies for a classroom of around 20 children, plus updating a professional wardrobe). It is, as I have mentioned before, a way to throw money at my feelings of anticipation, and is wonderful. So I went to Target, got some new pens, pencils, highlighters, Post-it notes, and the bonus buy, a new messenger bag. It wasn't a lot, but it satiated me for the day.

Today was the more practical side of shopping, a run to the grocery store to get snacks, frozen meals, and drink mixes that could be brought to campus and stored in the office. Within five minutes, I realized the happy anticipation of yesterday's shopping trip had changed into anxiety. The reality of a new year had finally set in. I was thinking about my schedule, about when I had meetings, when I had classes, when I would be able to eat at home versus getting to eat with friends versus eating in the office or in class, when I would need to have extra snacks, how meals will work at the high school...shopping for food made the reality of the new year sink it. I suppose that makes sense- anyone who knows me knows I plan things around meals :) I spent the rest of the shopping trip feeling stressed out and ready to go home and get my thoughts back in order.

So now I am home, with groceries put away and my heart rate back to normal. I feel both stress and anticipation about the coming year. I feel stress because there are many things that didn't get finished this summer- house projects, mostly. I know if I hadn't gotten sick my summer would have been different, but it's too late to worry about that now. I also have many little unknowns that will all be known after my first week of classes, work, and practicum. I also know that this first week will be very busy. I have program evaluation results to present to a district administrator and a group of teachers, and I have this last week to edit my dissertation proposal so it can go to my committee. I think the date is set for me to do the oral presentation the proposal, so no more time to sit around and wait. So my stress is over immediate things that will pass quickly. I will try to not worry about these little things, and focus on the goals of the year- complete my dissertation, get an incredible internship, and have a wonderful fourth year. Because ready or not, it's here.

One of my parting views of Mexico City... as I say goodbye to summer

Mexico Photos- Pick Two!

The rules have been announced for this year's photo contest hosted by Study Abroad. I have been waiting for awhile to see exactly what they are so I can decide what photos to enter. First, there is a limit of two entries. Second, there are the following categories:

a) Aggie Pride (showing your Texas A&M spirit abroad with an Aggie t-shirt, flag, "gig-em", etc.)
b) Cultural Encounter (a traditional event or experience capturing the location's unique culture)
c) Monumental Moment (a historical/famous landmark or a breathtaking view)
d) Academic Arena (a class, educational field trip, or unique learning experience overseas)

Given that, I have had to put back all of my pretty flowers and find my favorite pictures that really show off Mexico. I don't really have any that are Aggie specific, or show anything academic (I was there for class? Just kidding:) ). So below I have picked my favorite photos that fit the categories. Please let me know what your favorites are! If you want to see any of them full-sized, go to http://s16.photobucket.com/albums/b19/aggieteacher00/Queretaro%20Mexico%202010 Thank you for your input!



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Frozen in Time

I got an email about updated privacy setting on Myspace. Myspace... yeah, I remember that place. I haven't been to my account in a long time, so I decided to look at it and see if anyone actually used their accounts. It ended up being this bizarre look at life approximately two years ago, which seems to be the last time anyone of interest to me updated their information. On my own page, I referred to my life as a grad student, and in my free time playing with my dog Gigi. The last messages that were left for me were birthday greetings in 2008, and indeed the photo I am using of myself is from my 30th birthday party. To see if this was the case for other people, I went to the pages of my two Myspace friends whose pages I suspected would be the most interesting. First up was my friend Christian, who was married yesterday and is now moving to Boston to continue his seminary education (after a year in Austin). His Myspace profile, however, talks of life as a single copy editor living in Bryan/College Station. The other one that I had to see was my uncle Eddie's. The last time he posted, he was in a relationship, and she was posting a lot on his page as well. If I remember right, that relationship was around a year and a half to two years ago, not long before he started getting sick. On Eddie's Myspace page, like his Facebook page, he is still very much alive. I also noticed something that I didn't remember, probably because of my long absence from the site. On Myspace, you don't just have a friends list, but you put people in order. On my page, Eddie was my top friend. On his page, I was his top friend too.

When I first saw the email and decided to revisit Myspace, I had the intention of, if no one was using the site, closing my profile. Now, I think I will keep it open, just so I can go back to 2008 every now and then and see how Eddie is doing.

Don't Rain on My Parade

This weekend I had a few setbacks. My health got a little worse for the first time in two weeks- a mild episode of vertigo, followed by mild headaches and not-so-mild fatigue, aches, and nausea. So I spent a lot of the weekend in bed being tired and not entirely functional. I also used my time, since I wasn't up to doctoral level work, to start looking up more internship information and begin my third spreadsheet (yes, I'm mildly obsessive, but each one serves its purpose). While working on this new spreadsheet, I looked at the less dreamy side of the process- how many students apply, how many are selected to interview, and how many are matched to each site. I also saw out of those, how many were school psychology majors, and how many were clinical psychology majors. Wait... what? I'm applying to school-based internships- what are the clinical psychology majors doing in these positions? There was also something else, but it will be left unblogged.

I'll feel fine though. My health is improving, and one more night's rest should get me mostly back to full strength. As for the internship information- well, it's just more fuel in the fire to do well in my practicums and write a strong application.

To pick up my mood, I found two songs to help. First, we have the title track of this blog, Don't Rain on My Parade, which kind of sums up my personality in general. This link here

is Lea Michele from Glee performing the song at the Tonys.

And as a bonus, last night Neil Patrick Harris won the Emmy for Best Male Guest Star in a Comedy or Musical for Glee, so here he is performing Dream On with Matthew Morrison.

Time to sleep, and Dream On about my last week of vacation...

From the Anthropological Museum in Mexico City.

I like his attitude :)

Summer days driftin' away

There are 11 days left of my summer vacation. It's a very mixed feeling. On one hand, this has been the first time in years that I have had down time and been able to make my own schedule. I also have some great memories, starting with my amazing trip to Mexico and ending with Grad Camp. On the other hand, I spent a lot of time suffering with headaches (which are improving again), and I will always connect the beginning of summer with the loss of Eddie. So while I will treasure the good times, it's time to enjoy a few more late mornings and prepare to move forward.

The last couple days have made me feel really excited about what is to come. A meeting with my advisor has confirmed my confidence in my dissertation work, and made me feel that I am not only prepared to do my proposal next month, but should do well with the rest of the process. I am also set for my job for the coming year- forms are filled out and keys are checked out and on my keychain- and will be working with my advisor doing work I enjoy with people I already know and like. Tuesday I am meeting with the coordinator of services for English language learners at the high school to set up a practicum for the coming year. Plans are starting to be made for camp get-togethers and reunions. There has also been some wrapping up- finishing and preparing to present a program evaluation, girls' nights out as people return to town, and projects around the house that were supposed to be done months ago :) Of course, sitting out there is the big project, finalizing my internship site list and starting the application. That will start soon too.

When I was a teacher this was my favorite week of the year. It is the week before the children arrive but the teachers are at work setting up their classrooms. It was when I would create lesson plans, get my class list, and write my students' names on their desks, on bulletin boards, on their cubbies. I loved it so much because of the anticipation of who my students might be and what the school year could be come. I don't get to do that anymore, but this school year brings so much of its own anticipation- completing a dissertation, finding an internship, completing my time at A&M. It has the potential to be one of the best years of my life. So, I am sad to lose the laziness of summer, but the hard work of fall and spring will bring amazing rewards. Bring it on :)

From a gate outside the castle of Chapultepec, Mexico City

Pondering my Photography

I've realized something about myself and photography. I love taking pictures of places, wildlife, nature, landscapes, architecture... but I don't take pictures at social events. In Mexico I had some pictures of people, but usually when others were doing it too. At Grad Camp I only took pictures of the donkeys that were wandering on the property. On other occasions when I have been out with my friends I have carried my camera but never ended up using it. I have a few theories, some of which I think are actually true and some may be excuses. I do know that I am very self-conscious about how I photograph, so if I am going to be photographed I have to be happy with the situation. I have also been in many situations where others had cameras too, and instead of adding a fourth or fifth camera to a pile for a group shot it seemed easier to just get a copy later (in this age it's so easy to share photographs). I think sometimes I just get into the moment, and don't want to stop everything to take pictures, or don't want to remove myself to step outside and photograph. Sometimes, I just don't think about it until after the moment's over. I don't want to miss having photographs of important people- there are already people who have moved who I wish I had more pictures of, or fun times that I wish I had a couple great shots of. I just seem to have this really strange divide between what I take pictures of and what I neglect, and I'm trying to figure out what it says about me.

One of the Grad Camp donkeys, of course

Grad Camp '10!

After months of preparation, I spent the last two days at Grad Camp. Grad Camp is an overnight orientation for incoming graduate students designed to teach them about life at A&M and have fun meeting new people in the process. I applied in April and was lucky enough to get chosen to be a counselor- between my campus leadership experience, my 7 years at A&M, and my generally perky personality, it was a good fit. After three planning sessions and some outside preparation, Thursday and Friday was finally camp.

Grad Camp went exactly as planned- no major injuries, accident, or incidents. In fact, the only time the medic was needed was two hours before departure when I got a surface cut that happened to be on top of a scar (which just meant it looked worse than it was), so he got to help me clean and Band-Aid it :) Everyone was great, and if anyone didn't get along I didn't know about it. We were divided into smaller discussion groups so we could get to know each other better, and my group (Go Team Red!) was probably the more laid back of the three, but everyone had fascinating stories and it was neat to learn so much about people in such a short amount of time.

So, what does one do at Grad Camp? Well, I won't do a play-by-play, but some highlights are good. Campers arrived Thursday morning, and as the more experienced Aggie (as in I did undergrad here too) I led people around the displays at the alumni building and introduced them to some Aggie traditions. We went to camp at at retreat center outside of town, and after we unpacked we went to lunch. We had our first time with our groups to get to know each other, then listened to speakers from groups around campus, and spent more time with our groups. After an inter-group skit contest (we lost), we had dinner, then taught the campers the yells they will use at sporting events (again, being the experienced one I did a lot of the leading, which was so fun!). At night we had a mixer, where I danced and hula-ed and played cards and Jenga-ed. The next day we had more speakers and group time (and we won a group contest, for our group yell- ruh ruh ruh ruh, eh eh eh eh, duh duh duh duh!), and after lunch we had free time to hang out and have fun with our new friends. This time mostly consisted of people swimming, getting hit by water balloons, and people who didn't want to get wet being dragged into the water anyway. We ended the day by eating, packing, talking, and exchanging contact information. There will be many gatherings after this, both to introduce campers to Aggie traditions and events and just to hang out.

So Grad Camp was a resounding success. Not only did I share my love for Aggieland with new students, I now have around 45 new friends that I can't wait to see again. It was definitely worth all of the work. Whoop!

Defying Gravity

I have a couple things on my mind, but they're still kind of in process and not ready to be written about. At the same time, I am about to head out for a couple of days that will definitely be blogworthy. I have decided that I want to write something every few days, at least, to keep things going. If I don't have anything to write myself, I will post song lyrics or some other writing that inspires me, both to for myself and to share with others. Today's inspiration came to me from the show Glee, by way of the musical Wicked. Below are the lyrics, and links to the YouTube. Enjoy :)


Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

Glee- Defying Gravity


The top of the Angel of Independence statue in Mexico City

Laughing and crying

I am having one of those days when I am really tired of being sick. I made tremendous progress last week, then crashed on my birthday, and am slowly improving again. Today my head hasn't been too bad, but I am weak and nauseous and can't kick either one. And I am having so many successes today- I finally finished client work at my job that I technically ended in May, I saw my much-missed professor and we came up with a wonderful idea for a fall practicum, and I got some enthusiasm for the new school year. But it's so hard to feel excited and get productive when you realize you are sick AGAIN. I can't get my migraine prescription refilled this week because I'm going through the medication too fast, and I have to hope that this week goes well enough that I don't need it. I have a dissertation to work on. I have two days of camp coming up that I am excited about. And I can't stop thinking about my headache, my weak body, and my nausea that won't respond to medication that they give to chemotherapy patients, and I can't stop wondering if this will be better when I need it to be. Some days it doesn't bother me, because I see progress, and some days I just want to cry because I can't shake this and it's still getting in the way. I'm getting better at putting on my happy face- my professor couldn't believe how I actually laughed when I told her about it, but I think I have adopted the laugh or cry attitude. Usually I can do the laughing part, but sometimes I can't. Just one of those days...

Birthday Week!

There is one time of year where you get to be a little self-centered and not be apologetic- your birthday. I admit, I haven't really grown out of my birthday excitement that much. It's not about presents anymore, it's just about spending time with people you love and hearing from friends and family that you don't get to talk to much.

So I got to celebrate all week, which made it even better. I went to see my parents for a few days, because it was my last chance to visit before my mom's summer vacation ended. Monday night we just talked and caught up, talking about life and internships and everything else. Tuesday my dad had the day off for a doctor's appointment so the morning was quiet, and later in the day we went out for my birthday dinner, then had a great chocolate cake that Mom made for me. Wednesday Mom and I had a great day at Sea World, a place we go often but can never get bored of. We were supposed to meet a friend and her son, but he was being a grumpy 4 year old so it was just us. So we spent time on rides, at shows, shopping, and looking at cute baby animals. Sea World is a place where I am always content, combining my love for marine biology and amusement parks perfectly, and a mother-daughter day is always good for the soul. Unfortunately Thursday I had to return home so I could start refocusing on reality.

The birthday fun started Friday night, when I met up with my friend Stevie for drinks since she wasn't sure if she'd be free to go out on the actual day. We'd had hard-to-match schedules so it was good to catch up. Yesterday, of course, was the big day. I started out with a meeting- yes, a meeting on a Saturday. Grad Camp is next week, so us counselors had our last preparation day. I didn't mind being there (except for when my alarm went off), because I am excited about camp and really like the counselors. We talked, planned, practiced yells, and made nametags. Afterward six of us went to lunch and ended up spending two hours eating Middle Eastern food and getting to know each other. It was a great mix of cultures and personalities. Afterward I had some down time to get a pedicure, talk to my family, and rest up. The evening was my celebration time. I had invited friends to dinner, having no idea who was in town and could make it. I ended up having 12 friends show up (including baby Caitlin), and we had a great meal and conversation. It was also a nice surprise to see Robb one last time before he moved to Dallas. Afterward a smaller group of us went to a wine bar to have drinks and dessert. I risked a headache to eat chocolate cheesecake, and tried a wine called First Love (which, like many first loves, was just okay). Stevie and her boyfriend, who met salsa dancing, convinced me and a few others to go next door and try dancing (and help me find my salsa love). I enjoyed it more than I thought, did better than I thought, and may do it again. I only danced with Joed, a very patient and kind teacher, and the equally beginner-level Victor, but it wasn't a disaster, and the crowd seemed interesting. If I hadn't been tired and the loud music hadn't irritated my head I might have stayed a little longer.

So, birthday week #32 was a great week. Family and friends in abundance. Times have definitely changed- I only got two cards in the mail, but between Facebook messages, emails, e-cards, and texts, I probably got 100 greetings. Birthdays are a reminder of where you are in life and where you are going. I have learned that it's not important where I "should" be at this age, it's about whether I'm happy with where I am and where I'm going. And looking around at everyone that spent time with me this week, or sent me a message, I know I'm very blessed, and very happy. So here's to another year of life!

Love is friends, family, and baby sea lions :)

The Power of Friendships

Today I was reminded of the power of friendships. I was both the giver and receiver of a lot of love from some wonderful people. During a difficult situation, I sought to give support to friends and be a strength. When I had given all I had, others came in and became my support and gave me the caring I needed to build back up. There was never any doubt that I would give to them, or they would give to me. Later, at a going away party, I reflected on the past and anticipated the future with a group of people who I have shared this journey of graduate school with. It was a reminder of both the group dynamic and my own individual friendship, and how much we have meant to each other.

The message from both these experiences was simple but powerful. You can make an amazing difference in the lives of others. And others can make an amazing difference in your life. Treasure everyone you care about, always do your best to be there for them, always show them you appreciate them. To everyone in my life, thank you for being here.