Saturday, November 16, 2013

I spent three nights with Keith- and he finally petered out

As most of you know I was in the Peace Corps in Belize.  As others of you know, I was in a hurricane.  For the first time in probably a decade, I decide to look at the email I sent to friends and family that described my experience.  There are many things I remember clearly, and others I had completely forgotten.  It was a very difficult time for me- worrying about my new friends and the country I lived in, while working to accept that just a couple days earlier I had decided to resign from the Peace Corps (which I won't get into today).  The email below was sent out on October 9, 2000, two days after I returned to the US.  The writing isn't spectacular, but hopefully it's interesting.  I added pictures that were still being developed when I wrote this.  The title of this post is the original name of this email, and a common joke among the volunteers that week.


Friday, September 29, 2000- I got a call from Peace Corps saying that a tropical depression is near Honduras, and if it gets bigger we may evacuate.  I quickly nixed my illegal visit to Mexico (I had forgotten to give 48 hour notice) and stocked up on ramen.  I felt silly preparing for an evacuation that probably wouldn’t happen, and buying food when I was about to leave.  So I did the minimum and relaxed.

Saturday- My parents call and say Keith is now a tropical storm, will go above Belize.  I begin to unpack.  Five minutes later Sue calls and says to be at her house in a half hour to evacuate to Belmopan, site of the PC hurricane shelter.  I repack and rush out.  Sue, Mary, and I wait 45 minutes for a bus, while being hit on by a local.  

We arrive in Belize City and meet up with the city \volunteers.  We eat lunch and spend two hours waiting to leave.  Dave’s puppy goes to the bathroom in the PC conference room.  PC tells us that the ambassador wants to fly us out,but is waiting to make sure it’s necessary.  So city volunteers are told to go back home and wait for a call, and us outsiders are given hotel rooms.  

 I enjoyed the hotel (hot shower, cable tv) until I got bored, and went to Amanda’s house and watched movies until dark.  Heard that the volunteers from the rest of the country were coming into the city.  Went back to my hotel and dreamed of a vacation in another country.

As I was sleeping, two volunteers decided to go out drinking (smart move in a crisis).  They were mugged
on the way home.  They have been sent to Washington D.C. for counseling so that they hopefully will be stable enough to return to Belize.

Sunday- Sue waked me up at 6:30 and tells me to prepare for evacuation at 8.  At 7:30 I go to her room, to find out that our departure has been delayed again.  Sue, Cindy, and I eat cookies, sing Broadway songs, and ignore the hurricane outside that is getting quite loud.

At 10 Cindy and I brave the storm to get food.  We stopped by the hotel where the other volunteers were.  I had some reunions with people who I didn’t think I’d see again.  Conor and I sat in his room for awhile and pet his puppy (very calming).  Talked to a lot of people about, well, anything but what was going on outside.  Around noonnwe were told to report to PC office.  I walked two blocks to my hotel, which was a freaky experience.  Do not go outside in a hurricane!

We then learned that the airport was closed, but the roads were too dangerous to make it to our hurricane shelter.  The ambassador had delayed too long.  So we had to stay in the PC office, a secure place but not exactly designed for 46 hurricane evacuees. But it was our only choice.

Thus began 48 hours of house arrest.  46 volunteers,  plus some staff and their families, not allowed to leave the second floor of the building, except for brief trips downstairs to eat or watch movies (we had a vcr and three movies, which were watched over and over again).  No running water.  Electricity, thank God (we had a generator).  No showering.  Nothing to do except for what people brought with them. Nothing  to eat except what people brought with them, which wasn’t much since most people were like me, and some tasty army MREs.  Here are some of the highlights of those 48 hours.
  • Conference calls from our country director, and the Peace Corps director, telling us how brave we were, as  if we had chosen to be in Belize.
  • Everyone waiting for their turn at e-mail.  It got vicious when we were reduced to one computer, because
  • Costas [the country director] wouldn’t want his things disturbed”
  • Playing hours upon hours of cribbage with my hurricane buddies, Joe and Cheryl.  They saved my sanity during those days.
  • Watching the rain move horizontally in front of the window, and listening to the wind howl.  
  • Crowding around the radio every 3 hours for updates
  • The Muscle Relaxer Incident: As we were getting ready to sleep (and wondering how we would be able to), Sarah took out some muscle relaxers.  She casually mentioned that she had been able to sleep 12 hours because of them, and instantly every volunteer in the room ran (literally) over to her.  We grabbed one and swallowed without even thinking.  Mob action in a crisis is incredible.  And yes, all 20 of us slept peacefully.
  • The pill took awhile to kick in for me, so I went walking.  I ended up sitting in the stairwell with Brandon (our volunteer who lost everything), petting Evelyn’s dog and listening to a combination of hurricane noises and Chris playing the violin.  It was utterly surreal.
  • Meal times.  We combined all of our food and cooked group portions of pasta and rice and beans.  The food was bland, and got old fast, but it was all we had to eat.
  • Watching 46 people find floor space to sleep on.   I joined about 15 other people in Costas’s  office. Thanks to our nurse, those of us who had nothing to sleep on got a pillow and blanket.
  • A general sense of not knowing what was going on outside ate at us.  The radio told us what they knew, but until the storm passed we wouldn't know whose homes were standing.


Tuesday- Around noon the storm was cleared out and we were given permission to leave the premises.  City volunteers got to see their houses (some minor flooding, but no serious damage).  Most volunteers chose to stay at the city volunteers’ houses.  Several of us stayed in the office (we were going to have to sleep on the floor no matter where we were, and we were guaranteed electricity, so why go?).  We ate dinner (we found one open restaurant!), bought chocolate, and spent our evening playing games and talking.  It was much calmer, although we still didn’t know damage situations.

Wednesday- We were supposed to have a meeting at 11, but Costas caught a flight so we had to wait for him.   We learned who would return to their homes when.  I was one of the undetermined ones.  We were allowed to switch to a hotel which had had some flooding but most rooms were okay.  I took my first shower since Sunday.  We ordered pizza and stayed at the hotel, where we relaxed and enjoyed sleeping in beds.

Thursday- The first group of volunteers returned home.  The rest of us signed on to do relief work.  I spent my afternoon organizing clothes that would be sent to villages that were flooding.  I was told that Costas and Sue would be looking at Orange Walk, but so far the damage didn’t seem bad.

Friday- I went to the office to see what relief work was needed, when I was told that I would also be going to Orange Walk, and that I would have a couple hours there to move out of my house and pay all of my bills.  I had a plane ticket for the next morning.  This was quite a shock to me.  But it wasn't my decision.

The trip to Orange Walk was unbelievable.  In the city we had seen some damage, but on the highway we saw the real effects.  A neighborhood where people had to use boats to get around.  Villages under three feet of water.  Rivers twice as wide as normal.  We knew there was flooding, but to see what it was doing to people who already had nothing was indescribable.   It made me very upset that I was being forced to finish my resignation before I could do more for the Belizean victims.

The two hours I had in town were chaotic.  My house  was in very good shape, as was most of the town.  I packed, cleaned, and ran errands as best I could.  I said goodbye to Juanita, who belongs to my neighbors now.  We had a lot of complications with my bill paying, and I had left my bank book (where they record my transactions instead of sending me statements) in Belize City, so we had to rush back so I could close my account.  The ride back was even worse than the ride there, since the river was still rising.  I got my account settled, got my flight information, and was finally done.




I went to a birthday party for Brandon, which ended up being my going away party too.  I left my household items for Brandon to help him start over.  He will probably have to abandon his project and spend his last year in Belize helping rebuild the town he lived in.  One or two other volunteers may also be switched to rebuilding parts of Belize.  

Saturday- I did my paperwork and came home.  

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Growing up, finding my path, and moving forward

Something happened this summer.  I think a lot of it corresponded with my 35th birthday.  Maybe it was also related to the completion of licensure tests and, in a way, the real end of student life.  I think it's some combination- I'm leaving young adulthood, but my life over the last six years while helping me grow tremendously, also allowed me to hold my life back.  At any rate... I'm ready to grow up.

Now, I'm not totally sure what acting 35 means to you.  Looking around me, it seems to indicate I should have a husband and children.  Of course, in this age all of these things can happen in due time, but just in case I am starting to wonder about my plan B.  I don't know what it is yet, but I think about it a lot.

I'm trying to be a more responsible person.  I'm cleaning more (really, Mom, I am), trying to keep up more with bills and budgets (I hate hate hate budgets), and in general trying to be more self-disciplined.  When you are a student, you adjust life around your oft-changing schedule, which means nothing really becomes routine.  I really don't like routines, but if doing laundry every Sunday evening will ensure I have nice pants to wear to work on Monday I suppose it's worth it.  Next obstacle to tackle on the self-discipline list (and biggest)- exercise and eating habits.

I'm making sure I am comfortable in my own skin.  I've always been unassertive, willing to let others get away with things if it avoids conflict.  I can be easily intimidated, and avoid little things because they make me anxious.  Some of you are thinking "But you got a Ph.D.!  You should feel awesome about yourself!" but I really feel the same as I always have, just with a few letters after my name.  I'm making an assertive effort, particularly at work, to speak up more, to trust my instincts and my abilities.  I should make a daily affirmation, something about being good enough, smart enough, and people liking me.  I'm making progress, anyway.

If you were around the blog last summer, I made a list of things I wanted to start doing after I graduated, and I've fallen short on most of it.  I can blame studying, adjusting to work, whatever, but I'm rebooting the list.  I can't join church choir at the moment, but I can keep reading, writing, taking pictures, and hiking with my dog.  I'm trying to save up for trips that I have been wanting to take for years.  I'd like to make more friends here, some group in between young-single-and-going-to-bars and cute-couples-with-cute-kids.  I think I fit somewhere, wherever it is.  At the same time, if I want something I am no longer afraid to do it alone.

It should be an interesting year.  I'm excited to see what happens.

P.S. If you are hoping I will blog about my event Wednesday, well, I might, but I might also just refer you to  the post I made when I did this four years ago.



Saturday, October 19, 2013

It's time

I haven't made a complete blog post since last summer.  I have two half-completed posts sitting on the server, one about graduation and one about why I haven't been posting.  There are reasons why I didn't write- ups and downs of life, maybe some post-grad exhaustion (combined with studying for licensure), a hesitance to make some things public.  Whatever the reasons, I'm ready to have a public voice again.  I have a lot on my mind these days- the struggles of working in urban schools, my self-reflection as I become old(er), and my usual random thoughts.  So, as part of other things I am trying to do more of (exercise, cleaning, reading, etc) I'm going to try to make positing a weekly routine, like it was two years ago.  I'm looking forward to rediscovering my writing.

And, to end, there must be a photo.So here's my mom and my precious cousin Grey on a carousel at the zoo, as I watch them from a horse.  We had such a great weekend and I can never get enough time with my family. :)