I haven't written in a long time. I had expected to chronicle the rest of the internship interviews, then the decision to rank, and finally the excitement of matching. I did start writing about it more than once, but the process often became so busy and intense that the words were never completed. So suddenly here I am at the end of April at a completely different place. Right now, and for the next couple months, life is about looking back, while looking forward, and making sure I enjoy every moment in the present.
The internship match process was very successful for me. I ended up at a place that on paper had many things to offer, but wasn't necessarily the experience I was looking for. When I interviewed, though, I immediately connected with the staff, and I knew that I would have a wonderful experience there. Matching in Dallas was the right thing for me (those complex mathematical formulas really do know what they're doing). The experiences will round me out as a school psychologist, and will give me chance to really use my Spanish and my bilingual education background to make a difference. I have also realized that, despite the fact that Dallas is new to me, I do have a small support system there, one that keeps growing as other friends have recently been hired in the city. I am content, and I am excited.
So there is a lot of looking forward. I am cleaning house and watching it go up for rent, and I have a new place in mind once I can make a trip to visit and sign a lease. I have done employment paperwork. I am ready to be on internship and making a difference. I am even starting to think further at my first job and my career direction. It's an exciting time.
At the same time, it is a time to look back. There are two parts to this. There is the obvious part- the ending of my time in graduate school. I have been here nearly four years. I have made so many lifelong friends and have wonderful memories. As each event happens, I am struck that it is one of the last, and nostalgia is beginning to set in. At church, as we prepare for a new minister, I recognize that I will probably say goodbye before this new era of church life begins, and I think of what my little sanctuary has meant to me. My monthly gatherings with friends from a school I worked at will end in a month- I will miss the beer and washers. Emails come about practica and organizations opportunities, and I must say no because while I have loved the experiences, my time has come. It is a mixed feeling- happy to have had the experiences, and will miss them, but it is time to move on, and that has always been part of the arrangement. A few days ago two friends were talking about their research, which is in my interest area. I told them, "I wish I could help you with that", to which one replied, "No you don't! You want to get out of here!" I do want to help, but I am also ready to go. It is becoming real, though, that I am leaving some wonderful people.
It is also a time to think back to where I was a year ago. It is nearly a year since my uncle's death, and it is already weighing heavy on my family. He is still so missed, and always will be. This first anniversary will be difficult. It is also almost a year since I went to Mexico. The time between Eddie's decline and my flight to Queretaro were painful and chaotic, and then my three weeks away brought peace and magic. For some reason, for the past few weeks I have been yearning to get back to Mexico. I know I can't afford it and don't have the time yet, but I'll go back again. It's a place I know I'll spend a lot more time in the future once life gets settled.
So, through all of the looking back and looking forward I am trying to enjoy my present with my friends and family. I admit, it's sometimes hard to focus on classwork and my dissertation, but I know they are important final steps. I also have some wonderful final events. Three dear friends are getting married in the next month (two to each other!), and I am looking forward to helping them celebrate. I am also anxiously awaiting a family trip to Disney World with the most wonderful women in my life. There are also many smaller moment in between- visits from friends who moved away, game nights, dinners, parties, and as much fun as I can get into my last moments here.
There is much to do before I begin internship in three months. It is a time to tie up loose ends and prepare for the future, while reflecting on what has been and enjoying my time with friends. Most importantly, it's a time to realize I have a lot to be grateful for. If you are reading this, you probably helped me get here, so thank you!
