Lessons from the Halfway Point

As of this afternoon I am on Christmas/Winter Break.  It's not quite the halfway point for the school year (or internship), but it's pretty close- the halfway point for the school year falls on January 13th, and the halfway point for internship, assuming I get July off as advertised, would also fall in mid-January.  It is, though, the end of the calendar year, and it definitely feels like I've been through at least a half-year's worth of work and learning.  I have interacted with over 70 children and adolescents, and while I can't describe what I have learned from each child, I can highlight as many lessons as possible that will drive my work in the next half of the year and beyond.

Children need consistent rules and discipline from an early age.  Parents, please teach your children respect, give them high expectations, and always follow through with consequences.  Giving your child whatever he or she wants to stop misbehavior only reinforces the behavior, and makes the transition to school harder.

Children need role models.  They need adults around them who make good decisions, who control their anger, and who care for others.  How can a child control their anger if everyone around them is yelling at them?  How can an adolescent resist peer pressure when they live in a neighborhood or household where drugs are used and easily available?  How can a teenager set life goals if they have family members in prison?  How can they learn any self-discipline if no one at home supports their choices, sets rules, or gives them the attention they need?

So many of my children have few or no role models at home, so they have never learned the skills they need to be successful.  They want to do well, want to have hope, but are often lost.  The adults around them have made poor choices that have affected the lives of the children- and while the adults often realize something needs to be done, they don't know how to help, or don't have the skills or means to help.  The situations seem hopeless, and the child or adolescent needs to feel they have a future.

Schools need to be safe places for children.  Especially for children who have difficulties at home, school should be the place where adults are caring, positive, and nurturing.  If a child or adolescent is in need of a role model and hasn't found one within their family, there should be strong adults at school that can be admired and trusted.  Unfortunately, the more difficult the area, the less likely this seems to be.  Teachers and staff in high-poverty schools seem to often be burned out, or more aggressive in their methods, and students have a hard time finding an adult they trust.  In addition, many adolescents who I work with feel they have already been labeled as a "troublemaker" and that no one cares about them, making the relationships even more challenging.  Even when an adult does seem to care, the student does not respond.  Schools, particularly in these areas, need to evaluate their methods.  They focus on discipline and being "tough", and often miss out on the ways they can bring positive change to their students.

So what does all of this mean to my work?  It means that for the children and adolescents I work with, I am a psychologist (intern, of course), but also might be a mentor, a role model, a parent, an advocate, and a friend.  I fill any void I need to that another adult hasn't taken, until I identify other people or resources who are willing to help.  For some of my cases, I fill just the primary role; for others, I fill all roles.  It is the reality of working in my neighborhood.

In the second half, I want to improve at my roles.  Of course my primary job is to become a good school psychologist, and I am growing tremendously.  Of the other roles, I am working most at advocacy.  I want the schools to use positive approaches in working with all students, particularly those with emotional needs.  One of my schools is moving from a reactive disciplinary approach to a mental health proactive approach, and I am hoping our successes can be replicated elsewhere.  I want all of my students to feel that when they come to school that everyone cares about them, not just me.  I want them to feel that they are important, and they have a future.

When it all comes down to it, there's really one lesson that all of this comes down to.  It's so simple, and yet somehow isn't always the focus.

All children need love.