Weight

Along this journey, there is often a feeling of weight.  As spring draws near, the weight can feel heavier than ever.

As I enter each workday, I have the weight of my schools.  I have children who need me to be at my best to give them the best guidance possible.  As the year goes on, my caseload has increased, and so have the problems they face.  I cherish the relationships I have built with my children and the adults who work with them and love what I do for them, but the work is a challenge.  At the end of every day I feel their burdens transferred to me.

As I end each workday, I have the weight of my dissertation, and the impending end of my graduate education.  What once was a far-off deadline is now nearing, and in order to meet all of my goals it needs to be done soon.  I have put a lot of pressure on myself, because I believe in following through, especially with something as critical as this.  It's hard to get things accomplished when work is taking part of me, but the end goal is in sight.  The paper feels like a weight on my shoulder, but it will be soon lifted.

As I go through every day, I have the weight of my future.  There are constant reminders that when all of this is done my career begins.  A coworker asks me if I want to stay in the district.  An email comes from my program director with a job opportunity.  A friend in a related field gets a job offer.  Do I know what I want to do?  Have my job interests changed this year?  While I've learned a lot this year about what is best for my career and training, I also have many ideals and goals.  How will this come together into my next job?  Where will I be living?  It's hard to wait and not think about such a major decision.

And somewhere in between, there are the other weights of life, of housework and bills and finding time for friends and the dog.  And the weight of being weighted down, and knowing I must take care of myself so that a few pounds here and there are lifted.  Some days I do better than others.  I just remind myself that these weights are not permanent, and that, brick by brick, life keeps going.